You wont find Happiness without it.

True happiness will forever remain unattainable while we convince ourselves that we will not be happy until, and or without [fill in the blanks].These self imposed limitation only fuel an unquenchable thirst for happiness, & perpetuating an endless pursuit of it.

& It’s the wanting that prevents you from finding it.

• You want to be validated and admired? The likes and comments on socials got you covered.

• Yearning for attention? Seek out a partner who can provide it, hopefully they wont leave.how

• You want to be satisfied? Go buy something new or yummy to fill the void.

• You want approval? Let your friends flatter you with praises and recognition.

  EWWW… No….Why!

Whats with this gross this dependency on external factors affecting our personal growth.

Why are we like this?..

Would you crumble without others holding you up?

What if with just the click of your fingers, they were all gone? What would you feel?

Your answer to this question determines how emotionally dependent you are. If you said: sad, disheartened, heartbroken, or fucked then it’s okay.

I feel you.

Its a common thing.

Dependancy shows up in many different forms, and its making us miserable. Im never going to say its the same for everyone. However humans often become dependent and reliant on other things for various reasons. From a young age, we are conditioned by society to seek validation, approval, and support from external sources. This conditioning, coupled with the fear of rejection and a natural need for belonging, drives us to rely on others for our emotional well-being. Additionally, low self-confidence and a lack of self-belief can lead us to doubt our abilities and seek reassurance from others. The desire for comfort and convenience also plays a role, as it is often easier to rely on someone else than to take full responsibility for our own lives. Moreover, excessive dependency on others and or things, can hinder personal growth and limit our sense of agency and happiness.

“Your fear is 100% dependent on you for its survival”

I remember the first time I really noticed myself relying my happiness on others. It was the time I left my first long term partner, I had just been cheated on.

When you, move away from your home town together, have the same friend circle, live together, its rare for you to spend all that much time apart, and obviously when it ended, our seeing each ceased. What used to be together every day became together never.

In the months that followed I was so lost. There was this constant void in my world. Id never really realised how much of my world was rapped up in his.

I had no idea on who I was without him.

I searched for more assurance and attention than ever. I wanted people to be around at all times, I’d became so upset when plans with friends were cancelled even though the reasons were valid. I needed people, I needed distractions, I needed to be wanted, validated, in fact I needed to be shown who & how to be.

I’d became so emotionally dependent, and ‘he’ as embarrassing as it was to admit had been the centre of my universe.

I had become so reliant on him for so many of my life decisions.

I didn’t know who I was anymore.

And when I finally had that realisation, I knew that something had to change.

I had to figure out who I was again.

I had to learn to be emotionally independent = Self reliant.

And what is my definition of this:

Self reliance encompasses the essence of personal independence and empowerment. It is the unwavering belief in one's abilities, the confidence to navigate life's challenges, and the ability to rely on oneself for fulfillments, growth, and success. Self-reliance means embracing responsibility for our own happiness, well-being, and accomplishments, rather than depending solely on external sources for validation and support. It is a mindset that encourages self-sufficiency, resilience, and the willingness to take ownership of our lives, decisions, and actions. Self-reliance empowers us to trust in our capabilities, follow our intuition, and chart our own path towards a fulfilling and meaningful existence.

And what are the ways in which I believe this is can be done?:

Detachment

Separate yourself from everything.

No, this doesn’t mean cutting off all your contact with your partner or your friends or your parents.

It’s not about living in the forest alone to write a book.

It’s to separate yourself from the expectations and emotions you set for others.

Accept impermanence.

Everything is temporary. Now that’s a tough pill to swallow. But life happens and then some shit happens, and then we die.

Brutal I know but there is beauty in this.

Embrace it as you will, because yes life can be cruel, but life appreciates and rewards those who are resilient and flexible.

By letting go of our attachments we learn to appreciate the presence of those we cling to as they are, where they stand detached from us.

As separate entities.

Then we can truly enjoy their presence in each and every moment without complacency as we know and appreciate we could lose it all one day.

And as crazy as it seems if you live like that you’ll love harder and happier than ever.

As they don’t belong to you, you just get to enjoy them in each moment.

They are free to come and go into your life as they please complementary to your life rather than a vital part of it.

“The beauty of detachment lies in the freedom it bestows upon us - the freedom to let go, to release our grip on what no longer serves us, and to embrace the boundless possibilities that unfold when we surrender to the flow of life”.

Take Responsibilities

No body is coming to save you, nobody but yourself is responsible for making you happy. That’s your duty, not your partner’s nor your friends nor the friend you call whenever you’re sad or need to vent.

When you become reliant on others, you blame them for things that happen to you. If something made you upset, you blame this or that. If something hurt you, you let it consume you because it failed to please you.

Stop playing the victim role girlfriend.

The more you think that the world is against you, the more you think that happiness is rare. Happiness is not a privilege, it’s a mindset.

Happiness is not about how much you have, it’s about being grateful for what you have right now. It’s not about being the greatest person in the room, it’s about learning to take pleasure in simple things, and loving who you are as you are.

And by taking ownership of our missteps, we pave the way for personal growth and self-discovery. It is only through this process that we gain insights into our true selves and cultivate a deeper understanding of who we are. As we learn from our experiences, we can develop healthier habits, such as consistency and discipline, which become the building blocks for the life we aspire to create. These habits empower us to take charge of our destiny and shape our future with purpose and intention.

Right actions lead to authenticity. Invest time into yourself and make a routine that takes you one step closer to your goals each day.

"Personal responsibility is the compass that guides us towards empowerment, for it acknowledges that our choices shape our destiny, and our actions pave the path to transformation."

Enjoy Your Own Company

Many of us fear being alone with ourselves. We often find solace in the company of others, seeking validation and connection through social interactions. However, true emotional independence can only be cultivated when we learn to appreciate and enjoy our own company.

Give yourself time to be alone.

Make yourself a warm cuppa, and sit on your patio. Look around you, and pay attention. True solitude is when most of the unique insights come to you. As this is your opportunity to be alone with yourself, with your thoughts, this is how you discover who you are.

If quality time is your love language, do yourself a favour and spend some time with yourself.

Write a letter to yourself in your journal. Talk to yourself even (no this does not make you crazy), maybe just don’t let people see you do it.

Get out side, ride your bike around town, go for a stroll through a forest. Perhaps in your bag have a journal or a book to read, stop for a while and spend the time alone.

Use the time to reflect, and see how far you’ve made it. Allow yourself to identify what parts of your life you want to change. It’s never too late to take the initiative in your life, you’re sitting in the driver’s seat at all times. You can change direction any time you like.

“Alone time is the moments in which we distance ourselves from the voices of the world, in order to find our own”.

Accept Who You Are

Embrace the power of self-acceptance instead of constantly seeking external approval.

It all starts with your intentions.

The validation you long for from others? Well, guess what? It's already within you. You possess the ability to provide yourself with the attention and validation you truly need.

Shift your focus inward and tap into your own self-worth. Recognise that you are worthy of love, respect, and acceptance exactly as you are. Release the need for external validation and start cultivating a deep sense of self-appreciation.

By nurturing a compassionate relationship with yourself, you'll no longer rely on others to determine your worth. You'll discover the immense power that comes from validating your own thoughts, feelings, and accomplishments.

Self-compassion helps you develop a good relationship with yourself.

Our inner critic can be relentless, preventing us from fully accepting ourselves. But fear not, there is a remedy. It begins with developing a kinder and more nurturing attitude toward ourselves, especially when faced with setbacks.

You can perform compassion exercises on yourself…

Remember, your strengths and weaknesses are the very elements that make you unique and special. Instead of fixating on perceived inadequacies, focus on embracing and celebrating what sets you apart. Embrace your individuality and let it shine.

To cultivate the confidence needed for self-reliance, it's crucial to accept and appreciate the qualities that make you stand out.

“You are your eternal companion, its in your best interest to bond”.

True happiness cannot be found in material possessions, the opinions of others, or fleeting trends. Rather, it lies within us. It begins with introspection, exploring the depths of our being. By turning inward, we embark on a journey of self-discovery and self-appreciation. And as we grow in our own self-love, we naturally extend that appreciation to others, valuing them for who they are.

So, now are you ready to be self-reliant?

Aren’t you sick of disappointing yourself, by putting your life in others hands?

Well, it all begins with a powerful choice.

The choice to prioritise YOU, your own well-being, your growth, and your life fulfillment.

And once you step onto this intentional path, you will discover the profound beauty of self-acceptance, liberating yourself from the shackles of external expectations. Commencing a compassionate and nurturing relationship with yourself, igniting a profound love affair with you. And By shifting your focus inward, you will come to appreciate your unique qualities and gifts, no longer seeking validation from the outside world but finding joy in knowing yourself.

Remember, true happiness comes from within. And it's time to empower yourself and create a life that aligns with your authentic self.

Start embracing who you truly are and experience the joy and freedom that comes with it. Start your journey towards self-reliance today!

I believe in you ! And so should you !

Much Love,

Eliza Jane.