The Validation Vortex: How to Escape the Cycle of Reassurance Seeking

The Validation Vortex: How to Escape the Cycle of Reassurance Seeking

Sure, here are the corrected spelling and grammar:

"Do you love me?"

"Do you think I'm pretty?"

"Do you think I'm smart enough?"

"Do you think I worked hard enough?"

"Do people even like me?"

Are you someone who constantly seeks reassurance from others? Do you ever find yourself feeling anxious or uncertain when you don't receive the validation you were looking for? If so, you're not alone. Reassurance seeking is a common behavior, but it can be problematic when it becomes compulsive or excessive.

No idea what I'm talking about? Well, don't leave just yet. You might still be guilty of this behavior.

First, let's start with what's wrong with asking these questions.

Well, the second that you ask someone else for reassurance, it means that your own ability to give yourself assurance has been questioned BY YOU! Therefore, if assurance is defined as "a positive declaration intended to give confidence," you've just broken a promise to yourself. Do you see what I'm getting at here? If you can't assure yourself, how can you ever expect yourself to be confident in any of your life choices?

"The only validation you need is from the person you see in the mirror."

That act of throwing out the line, fishing for validation from others to soothe our doubts, fears, and insecurities is just like trying to fill an empty bucket with compliments and affirmations from those around us, hoping it will fill the void of uncertainty within us. It's like playing an endless game of "Are you sure?" with the people in our lives, constantly asking them to reassure us that we're on the right track, doing well, loved, and valued.

Reassurance seeking can manifest in many ways, from seeking constant feedback on our appearance or work, to seeking reassurance in our relationships to calm our insecurities, to obsessing over our social media likes and followers. It's a natural human tendency to seek validation and approval from others, but when we become overly reliant on it, it can hold us back from developing true self-confidence and self-worth.

Reliance on reassurance will keep you stuck in a loop of seeking external validation instead of developing your own sense of self-assurance. When you rely on others to validate your thoughts, feelings, or decisions, you're essentially giving away your power.

“The more you seek reassurance, the more you give away your power. Take control of your own life.”

Speaking of that empty bucket, trying to fill up a leaking bucket is futile. No matter how much ‘validation’ you pour in, it will just keep pouring back out. The only way to truly fill your bucket is to find the leak and patch it up with your own self-assurance. This involves some growth, taking ownership of your thoughts, feelings, emotions, and decisions. It's time to shift our perspective and take responsibility for our own life choices.

Once you can fill your own bucket and patch your own holes, that's when real power comes into play. It's time to step out of that validation vortex and start being your own source of reassurance by checking in with ourselves first before seeking the reassurance of others.

"Learn to fill your own bucket, or you'll always be waiting for someone else to do it for you."

Checking in with ourselves for assurance can be a powerful way to cultivate a sense of inner strength and confidence. Rather than seeking external validation or approval, we can learn to trust our own instincts and develop a deeper understanding of our own needs and desires. This can involve taking time to reflect on our thoughts and emotions, and learning to recognize when we are feeling confident and secure in ourselves. By focusing on our own internal sense of assurance, we can become less dependent on others for validation and feel more in control of our lives. While seeking feedback and support from others can be valuable in certain situations, learning to rely on ourselves for assurance can lead to greater self-confidence, personal satisfaction, and overall wellbeing.

So, I challenge you to take a step towards overcoming reassurance seeking by implementing a few of these tips today.

1. Practice self-compassion. Treat yourself with kindness and acceptance, even when you're feeling insecure or unsure.

2. Challenge your negative thoughts. When you find yourself seeking reassurance, ask yourself why you feel that way and try to reframe your thoughts in a more positive light. Ask yourself what you need and trust that you know what's best for you.

3. Learn to trust yourself. Build confidence in your own abilities and decisions by taking small risks and recognising your successes.

4. Surround yourself with positive people. Seek out friends and loved ones who lift you up and support you, rather than those who constantly criticise or belittle you.

5. Practice mindfulness. Stay present in the moment and focus on your thoughts and feelings without judgment or criticism.

6. Set achievable goals. Focus on small, manageable goals that you can achieve and build upon, rather than overwhelming yourself with high expectations.

7. Celebrate your successes. Take time to acknowledge and celebrate your accomplishments, no matter how small they may seem.

Embrace vulnerability. Recognize that it's okay to be imperfect and make mistakes, and allow yourself to be vulnerable with others.

Develop healthy coping strategies. Instead of seeking reassurance from others, find healthy ways to cope with stress and anxiety, such as exercise, meditation, or journaling.

Seek professional help if needed. If reassurance seeking is impacting your daily life or causing significant distress, consider reaching out to a mental health professional for support and guidance.

By learning to trust our own instincts and cultivating a sense of inner strength, we can become less dependent on external validation and feel more in control of our lives. While seeking feedback and support from others can be valuable, taking the time to check in with ourselves can be a powerful way to improve our relationship with ourselves, others, and our overall wellbeing.

Much love,

Eliza Jane