The silent struggle: How to identify and overcome low self esteem.

Its time to talk about it,

Do you know your signs?

Are you battling the silent struggle of low self esteem?

Would you know if you were?

Now, I know it's not the most glamorous topic, but it's one of the most important ones. Low self-esteem can keep you from reaching your full potential, from truely loving yourself, and from experiencing the joy that life has to offer.

So what is low self esteem?

Low self-esteem is when you have a negative perception of yourself, feeling like you're not good enough, not worthy of love and respect. It's a pervasive feeling that can impact on your whole life, your thoughts, emotions, behaviours, and relationships. People with low self-esteem may doubt themselves, criticise themselves, and lack confidence in their abilities. They may compare themselves unfavourably to others and seek validation from others to feel good about themselves. Low self-esteem can stem from various factors, like past experiences, societal expectations, and personal relationships. It's crucial to identify and understand low self-esteem to take appropriate action and help someone who's struggling with it. Remember, everyone deserves to feel valued and loved, including you!

But don't worry, my loves! We’re here to shed some light on the signs. And the best part is by recognising these signs in ourselves and others, we can start to break free from the patterns that keep us small and start living our best lives.

And guess what? It's not just about us, identifying signs of low self-esteem in others can be a helpful tool in recognising when someone may need support and encouragement. By creating a welcoming and inclusive environment that fosters positive relationships, we can help others build their self-esteem and feel more confident in themselves.

So, let's get real, let's get honest, and let's get ready to take our power back. Join me on this journey of self-discovery and let's explore some tips and tricks to overcome low self-esteem and step into our true greatness!

Sign #1 Acting defensive.

Do you ever find yourself feeling attacked or judged when someone offers feedback or constructive criticism? Perhaps you become defensive and argumentative, feeling like you need to protect your image at all costs. This is a common response for those struggling with low self-esteem, and it can cause problems in your personal and professional life.

People who act defensively often have low self-esteem and feel like they need to protect themselves. They may view criticism as a personal attack and become defensive and argumentative, which can drive people away and make them feel even more isolated and insecure.

Overcoming defensiveness can lead to better relationships, improved communication, and increased self-confidence. When you're able to approach criticism as an opportunity for growth and learning, rather than a personal attack, you can develop a more positive and constructive outlook. This can help you build stronger connections with others and achieve your goals with greater ease.

To overcome defensiveness, try the following steps:

1. Recognise when you're becoming defensive: Pay attention to your body language and emotional reactions when receiving feedback or criticism. Are you becoming tense or defensive? Are you interrupting or talking over the other person?

2. Pause and breathe: When you feel yourself becoming defensive, take a deep breath and pause for a moment before responding. This can help you stay calm and focused.

3. Listen actively: Practice active listening by paraphrasing what the other person has said and asking clarifying questions. This can help you understand their perspective and show that you're open to feedback.

4. Practice empathy: Try to put yourself in the other person's shoes and see things from their perspective. This can help you develop a more compassionate and understanding attitude.

5. Respond constructively: Rather than getting defensive or argumentative, try to respond constructively. Thank the person for their feedback and ask for suggestions on how you can improve. This can help you turn criticism into a positive learning experience.

Sign #2 Judgmentalness

Do you ever catch yourself making snap judgments about others based on their appearance, behaviour, or background? Perhaps you assume that someone who's dressed a certain way is unprofessional or that someone who speaks with an accent is less intelligent. It's natural to have biases and preconceived notions, but if we're not aware of them, they can lead us to miss out on meaningful connections and experiences.

When we're judgmental, we often view the world through a narrow lens that filters out nuance and complexity. We may make assumptions about others based on stereotypes or limited information, which can lead to misunderstandings and missed opportunities. Judgmentalness can also stem from a lack of self-esteem, as we may feel the need to put others down in order to feel better about ourselves.

Overcoming judgmentalness can lead to greater empathy, understanding, and connection with others. When we approach people with an open and curious attitude, rather than a judgmental one, we can learn from their experiences and perspectives. This can help us broaden our horizons, challenge our assumptions, and develop more meaningful relationships.

To overcome judgmentalness, try the following steps:

1. Notice your judgments: Start by becoming more aware of the judgments you're making. When you notice yourself thinking negatively about someone, ask yourself why you're having that reaction.

2. Challenge your assumptions: Once you've identified a judgment, try to challenge it. Ask yourself if there's any evidence to support your assumption or if you're making unfair generalisations.

3. Practice empathy: Try to put yourself in the other person's shoes and see things from their perspective. This can help you develop a more compassionate and understanding attitude.

4. Look for common ground: Focus on finding similarities with others, rather than differences. This can help you build connections and find common ground.

5. Be open to learning: Approach new experiences and people with an open and curious attitude. This can help you broaden your horizons and challenge your assumptions

Sign # 3 People pleasing

Do you ever find yourself saying "yes" to things you don't want to do, just to avoid conflict or to make someone else happy? Maybe you take on more work than you can handle or agree to plans that you're not excited about, all to please others. People-pleasing can be a difficult habit to break, but it can lead to feelings of resentment, burnout, and a loss of sense of self.

People-pleasing can stem from a desire to be liked, fear of rejection or conflict, or a need for validation from others. While it may seem like the best way to maintain relationships, people-pleasing can actually harm them in the long run by creating a dynamic where your own needs and desires are constantly being subverted. It can also prevent you from forming authentic connections based on mutual respect and understanding.

By learning to assert your boundaries and communicate your needs effectively, you can build healthier relationships that are based on mutual respect and understanding. Saying "no" when you need to can actually increase your self-esteem and confidence, as well as prevent feelings of resentment and burnout. It can also free up your time and energy to pursue activities that you truly enjoy and that align with your values.

To overcome people-pleasing habits, start by practicing saying "no" to small requests or invitations that you're not excited about. It can be helpful to have a script prepared, such as "I appreciate you thinking of me, but I won't be able to make it this time." Remember that you don't owe anyone an explanation for your decision. It can also be helpful to identify your values and priorities, so that you can make decisions that align with them. Finally, practice self-care and self-compassion, recognising that breaking a people-pleasing habit can be challenging but ultimately rewarding.

Sign #4 Reassurance seeking:

Do you find yourself constantly seeking reassurance from others, such as asking for validation about your appearance, performance, or relationships? Maybe you check and re-check your work or repeatedly seek reassurance from loved ones that they care about you. Reassurance-seeking can be a difficult habit to break, but it can lead to feelings of anxiety, insecurity, and a loss of self-trust.

Reassurance-seeking can stem from a lack of self-confidence or self-trust, as well as anxiety or a fear of making mistakes or being rejected. While it may provide temporary relief, seeking constant reassurance from others can actually harm your relationships and prevent you from developing a sense of self-worth and confidence. It can also perpetuate feelings of anxiety and insecurity.

By developing self-trust and learning to trust your own judgement, you can build greater self-confidence and resilience. This can lead to healthier relationships based on mutual trust and respect, as well as a greater sense of agency in your own life. While seeking feedback and support from others can be helpful, learning to trust yourself and your own instincts is ultimately the key to greater self-worth and confidence.

To overcome reassurance-seeking habits, start by noticing when you're seeking reassurance from others, and ask yourself what underlying needs or fears may be driving this behaviour. Practice self-compassion and remind yourself that it's okay to make mistakes or experience uncertainty. Try to develop a sense of self-awareness and self-trust by paying attention to your own thoughts and feelings, and taking action based on your own values and priorities. Finally, seek feedback and support from others when needed, but aim to balance this with your own sense of self-trust and confidence.

Sign # 5 Lack of boundaries:

Do you often find yourself saying "yes" to things you don't want to do or putting up with behaviour that makes you uncomfortable, all in an effort to please others or avoid conflict? If so, you may be struggling with boundary-setting. Not enforcing your boundaries can lead to feelings of resentment, stress, and burnout, as well as a loss of respect from others.

Many people struggle with boundary-setting due to a fear of rejection or conflict, as well as a desire to be liked or avoid upsetting others. However, not enforcing your boundaries can ultimately harm your relationships and your own well-being, as it sends the message that your needs and values are not important. It can also lead to a pattern of people taking advantage of you or disrespecting your boundaries.

By learning to enforce your boundaries, you can build greater self-respect and self-worth, as well as healthier relationships based on mutual respect and understanding. It can also lead to greater clarity and focus in your own life, as you prioritize your own needs and values. While it may be uncomfortable or challenging at first, boundary-setting is ultimately an act of self-care and self-respect.

To start enforcing your boundaries, begin by identifying your own values and priorities, as well as the behaviours or situations that make you uncomfortable or violate those boundaries. Practice saying "no" or setting limits in a firm but respectful way, and be willing to communicate your needs and expectations to others. Remember that boundary-setting is a process, and it may take time to build up your skills and confidence. With practice and perseverance, however, you can learn to enforce your boundaries and build healthier, more fulfilling relationships

Sign #6 Excessively positive (Toxic positivity):

What do I mean by this - the excessive and ineffective overgeneralisation of a happy, optimistic state across all situations.

Have you ever felt like you needed to put on a happy face even when things are going wrong? Do you find yourself ignoring negative feelings and only focusing on positive ones to convince yourself nothings happened?

The culture of positivity has become increasingly popular in recent years, with many people promoting the idea that positive thinking can solve all of life's problems. While there is some truth to this idea, it can also be harmful when taken to the extreme. Constantly focusing on the positive can lead to feelings of invalidation and a sense of shame for experiencing negative emotions. It can also prevent us from addressing real issues and taking action to solve them.

It's important to acknowledge and accept our negative emotions as well as our positive ones. When we allow ourselves to feel our emotions fully, we can better understand ourselves and what we need to do to improve our lives. By embracing a more balanced perspective, we can avoid the pitfalls of excessive positivity and find true happiness and fulfilment.

Challenge yourself to practice mindfulness and non-judgmental awareness of your emotions. When you notice yourself only focusing on the positive, take a moment to reflect on what you might be avoiding or suppressing. Practice self-compassion and remind yourself that it's okay to feel negative emotions sometimes. Seek support from loved ones or a therapist if needed to work through challenging emotions and experiences. Remember that true happiness and well-being come from a balance of both positive and negative experiences.

Sign #7 Indecisiveness:

Do you find it difficult to make decisions, no matter how big or small? Do you often feel stuck or overwhelmed by the choices in front of you?The problem with indecisiveness is that it can lead to a feeling of stagnation, confusion, and lack of progress in life. It can leave you feeling powerless, frustrated, and stuck in the same place. I can personally relate to this struggle, as I used to have a hard time making even small decisions. Whether it was choosing what to eat for dinner or deciding on a career path, I always second-guessed myself and feared making the wrong choice. This indecisiveness caused me to miss out on opportunities and kept me from moving forward in life. It wasn't until I realised the impact it was having on my life that I decided to take action and overcome this challenge.

Indecisiveness can be a frustrating and stressful problem that impacts many areas of our lives. It can lead to missed opportunities, feelings of regret, and a lack of confidence in our own judgment. It's easy to get stuck in a cycle of overthinking and second-guessing, making it even harder to make a decision.

Making decisions is a skill that can be developed with practice. By learning to trust our own judgment and taking action, we can become more confident and effective in all areas of our lives. By breaking down decisions into smaller steps and considering the pros and cons, we can make the process feel more manageable and less overwhelming. And by accepting that some decisions will inevitably come with some level of risk or uncertainty, we can learn to be more resilient and adaptable.

Challenge yourself to make a small decision every day, whether it's what to have for breakfast or what to wear to work. Practice trusting your gut instinct and making decisions quickly without overthinking. When faced with a bigger decision, break it down into smaller steps and consider the pros and cons of each option. Set a timeframe for making the decision and hold yourself accountable to it. Remember that making a decision is better than not making one at all, and that every decision can be a learning opportunity.

In Summary, these seven signs are indicators of low self-esteem. And it’s vital for your growth to recognise them and take action for change. Remember to practice self-compassion, trust your instincts, set boundaries, embrace your imperfections, and focus on your own journey. You are worthy and deserving of love and happiness!

1. Acting defensive. If you find yourself defensive and argumentative when receiving feedback or criticism, pause and breathe, actively listen and respond constructively.

2. Judgementalness: When you find yourself judging others based on their appearance, behaviour or background. Challenge your assumptions, practice empathy, focus on common ground, and approach new experiences with an open and curious attitude.

3. People pleasing: If you find yourself saying "yes" to everything, even when it's not what you want, practice saying "no" to small requests, identify your values and priorities, and practice self-care and self-compassion.

4. Reassurance seeking: If you find yourself constantly seeking reassurance from others, try to validate your own thoughts and feelings by asking yourself questions like "What evidence do I have to support this belief?" or "How can I approach this situation in a positive way?" Remember to practice self-compassion and trust in your own abilities to handle whatever challenges come your way.

5. Lack of boundaries: If you're always putting other people's needs before your own, this is a sign that you don't value yourself enough. Take some time to reflect on your personal values, needs and priorities. Then, set clear and realistic boundaries with others to protect your time, energy and well-being. Learn to say "no" when necessary and communicate your boundaries assertively but respectfully. Remember that setting boundaries is not selfish, it's an act of self-care and self-respect.

6. Excessive positivity: If you feel pressured to always focus on the positive, recognise that it's okay to experience negative emotions and that they are a normal part of the human experience. Instead of suppressing or ignoring them, try to acknowledge them and observe them without judgment or criticism. Practice mindfulness to become more aware of your thoughts and emotions, and cultivate self-compassion by treating yourself with kindness and understanding. Remember that having a balanced perspective means acknowledging both the positive and negative aspects of life.

7. Indecisiveness: If you find yourself struggling to make decisions, whether big or small, it can lead to feelings of stagnation and lack of progress in life. Trust your instincts and make a decision based on your values and priorities. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, try breaking down the decision into smaller steps or seeking advice from trusted friends or family members. Remember that making mistakes is a natural part of the learning process, and that each decision you make can provide valuable insights and opportunities for growth. With practice and confidence in your abilities, you can become a more decisive and effective decision maker.

In conclusion, remember that self-esteem is not a fixed attribute that you either have or don't have. It's a dynamic quality that you can cultivate and strengthen through conscious effort and self-reflection. By identifying and addressing the signs of low self-esteem in your life, you can begin to take the steps necessary to boost your confidence, increase your self-worth, and improve your overall well-being. So, embrace your uniqueness, celebrate your accomplishments, and never forget that you are worthy of love and respect just as you are. Keep pushing forward with a positive attitude, and the world will open up to you in ways you never imagined possible.

Much love,

Eliza Jane.