Positivity Overload: Positive vibe or the dark side.

Positivity Overload: Positive vibe or the dark side.

Have you ever heard of toxic positivity?

It's been defined as the excessive and ineffective overgeneralisation of a happy, optimistic state across all situations. It's the Instagram influencer who only posts perfectly filtered images of their life, hiding the messy reality behind the scenes. It's the friend who always says "just be positive" when you're going through a tough time, without actually taking the time to check in and genuinely listen and empathise with your struggles. It's like a fake smile plastered on your face 24/7 - sure, it might look good from afar, but up close, you know something's off. It's the excessive need to be positive all the time, even when you're not feeling it. And while it might seem like a good idea to "look on the bright side" constantly, the truth is, it's just not realistic.

So, is the positive vibe really the dark side?

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm all about spreading good vibes and positivity in the world. But sometimes, we just take it too far. We put on a smile and pretend everything's great, even when it's really not. We ignore our negative emotions and try to force ourselves into a state of perpetual happiness. But the truth is, that's not real life. Life is messy, it's complicated, and it's okay not to feel okay sometimes. You need to feel all the feels, even the not-so-pleasant ones.

I want you to contemplate for a moment the last time you felt like you couldn't really be honest about how you truly felt. Maybe you felt like you had to put on a mask of happiness, or maybe you were told to just "get over it" and move on. Perhaps you've been made to feel guilty for feeling the way you do, or have been shamed by the "positivity police" for expressing frustration with a certain situation. Or maybe you've even found yourself in a situation where you were glossing over a systemic issue in order to maintain a positive outlook.

We're human, damn it! And we have a range of emotions, both good and bad. By denying ourselves the ability to feel the whole spectrum of emotions, we're just living in a state of denial and repression. So let's ditch the fake smiles and embrace the authentic human experience, flaws and all.

Stop Hiding or Masking your true feelings:

It's okay to not be okay, and you don't have to pretend that everything is fine when it's not. Many people try to suppress their true emotions, either because they don't want to be a burden on others or because they feel like they should be able to handle everything on their own. However, pretending can make things worse by preventing you from addressing the root of the problem. It's essential to recognise that everyone has their struggles, and it's okay to reach out for help when you need it.

“Your feelings are not meant to be hidden or masked, but to be acknowledged and expressed authentically. Embrace your truth and let your emotions guide you towards a fulfilling life”.

Stop feeling guilty for feeling what you feel:

Emotions are not good or bad; they're just emotions. You have a right to feel whatever you're feeling, without judgment or shame. Many people struggle with feelings of guilt or shame when they experience negative emotions, which can make them feel even worse. However, it's crucial to remember that everyone experiences a wide range of emotions, and it's entirely normal to feel sad, angry, or frustrated at times.

Your emotions are valid, whether they're positive or negative. Stop feeling guilty for feeling what you feel and start accepting and processing them in a healthy way. Only then can you truly move forward.

Stop minimising other people's experiences with "feel-good" quotes or statements:

When someone shares their pain or struggles with you, the last thing they need is a platitude or a cliché. It's essential to avoid minimising their experiences by trying to make them feel better with a simple quote or statement. Instead, try to listen actively and empathise with their experience. Show them that you understand what they're going through and that you're there to support them.

"Trivialising someone else's experiences with simplistic platitudes may ease your discomfort, but it does not honor their pain. Practice empathy by acknowledging their feelings, offering support, and standing with them through their struggles."

Stop trying to give someone perspective (e.g., "it could be worse") instead of validating their emotional experience:

While it's important to keep things in perspective, it's equally important to validate someone's emotions. Acknowledge their pain and offer support. When someone is going through a tough time, it's essential to show them that you understand their emotions and that you're there to help. Avoid trying to brush off their feelings by suggesting that things could be worse or that they should just "get over it." Instead, show them that you're there for them and that you understand what they're going through.

"Validation, not comparison. Empathy, not perspective."

Stop shaming or chastising others for expressing frustration or anything other than positivity:

No one is positive all the time. It's okay to feel angry, sad, or frustrated. It's how we deal with these emotions that matters. Many people feel like they should always be positive and happy, which can lead to feelings of shame or guilt when they experience negative emotions. However, it's crucial to remember that everyone has bad days and that it's entirely normal to feel down at times. Avoid shaming or chastising others for expressing their emotions, and instead, offer them support and understanding.

"Being positive all the time is not realistic, its fake. Let people feel what they must feel without making them feel bad about it."

Stop brushing off things that are bothering you with an "It is what it is":

While this phrase can be useful in some situations, it can also be a way of avoiding responsibility or minimising the impact of a problem. Instead of brushing things off, try to address them directly. Recognise that you have the power to change things, and don't be afraid to take action to improve your situation. Remember that it's okay to ask for help and support when you need it, and that taking care of your mental health is essential.

“Don't let 'It is what it is' be your go-to excuse for ignoring your problems. Take charge, show your issues who's boss, and refuse to let anything stand in the way of your success”.

Remember, it's okay to not be okay. Life is messy and complex, and we all experience a range of emotions. While spreading positivity and good vibes can be a wonderful thing, let's make sure we're not falling into the trap of toxic positivity. Embrace your emotions, validate the feelings of others, and lets work towards creating a more just and equitable world. And if all else fails, just remember: “life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're going to get!” And it’s worth while trying them all.

Now, here's the challenge for you. Next time you or someone you know is going through a tough time, try to resist the urge to dismiss or ignore negative emotions. Instead, listen actively and empathise. It may not feel like much, but it can make a world of difference. Toxic positivity may seem harmless, but it can be a form of emotional invalidation that can have lasting effects on our mental health. It's important to remember that positivity is not a cure-all for our problems. We need to embrace the full spectrum of our emotions and learn how to manage them in healthy ways. By doing so, we can cultivate resilience, compassion, and authentic positivity.

Much Love,

Eliza Jane.