Not so flirty 30.

Ever heard the cringe-worthy saying "30 and flirty"?

Well, let me tell you, life clearly had other plans for me as I’ve waltzed into my thirties.

Rather than turning on the charm, I discovered myself gravitating towards something far more confronting for me;

Friendships.

It's amusing how once upon a time, I might have envisioned that being in my thirties would mean hopping on the "thirty, flirty and thriving" express.

But oh, how times change! Instead of perfecting witty one-liners for potential romantic interests, I found myself honing my skills in the art of meaningful conversations and forging connections with friends, yes just friends, I crave friendships.

Deep intellectual, soulful connection with like minded people with no other agenda other then to be there for each others journey.

FRIENDSHIP: The profound union between souls, unburdened by romance or family ties. The connection where individuals find solace, trust, and shared experiences. Unlike intimate or familial bonds, friendships bloom on the foundation of mutual understanding, authenticity, and the choice to journey through life together as kindred spirits.

“A Friendship sparks into being when two souls cross paths, and one whispers, 'Ah, you see the parts of me that I’ve been hiding even from myself”.

Wait but why now? Why do I need friends in my 30’s ?

Hmm, a good question. Ageing, changing, moving, relationships, breakups, disagreements, shifts in lifestyle, sobriety. Growing up? A few decades down, marked by wisdom, a few glitter streaks (grey hairs), a lot of self-discovery, and many unexpected plot twists.

As the pages turn on the story of our lives, friendships, particularly forming new ones, can feel as foreign as your first day at school. But fear not, for in this blog, we're delving deep into the complexities of making (and keeping) friends in your thirties.

As we grow up, our priorities shift, and the lens through which we view life broadens. Once, we might have believed that our friends' circle was massive and endless. But reality has shown us a different path. The hustle and bustle of life often leads to isolation, despite the numerous virtual social connections we accumulate, which let's be honest can be as hollow and meaningless as considering a childhood celebrity crush your true first love. The irony is that as we grow, we sometimes forget the importance of fulfilling our basic human need for "belonging," as laid out so clearly by Maslow's hierarchy of human needs.

So, why is "friendship" so important for belonging?

In a world where technology connects us at our fingertips, the true value of genuine friendship often remains unseen. However, the twists and turns throughout my life have unveiled the undeniable significance of these connections and I'm gonna preach it to you till the cows come home!

Everyone requires a friend! A best bud, someone to dial in tough times, a confidant to converse about shared interests, a partner for exciting escapades. These roles need not be fulfilled by a single individual, but the essence of friendship is essential for each and every one of us.

Friendships, especially those with like-minded individuals, are incredibly important as they offer a support system beyond family and romantic relationships. These friends understand and encourage you, providing valuable guidance through challenges and boosting your self-assurance. They bring fresh perspectives that nurture positivity and emotional health. Shared hobbies create moments of joy and personal development, while accountability from these friends keeps you on track towards your goals. Their motivation becomes a wellspring of inspiration, spurring you to reach for your own aspirations. Engaging with such friends introduces diverse viewpoints that enrich your outlook. Ultimately, these connections provide essential social support, curbing loneliness and contributing significantly to your overall well-being.

Friendships offer a level of depth and understanding that other interactions do not. They provide a safe space to share experiences, emotions, and aspirations without judgment. Friendships offer companionship through the highs and lows, helping us navigate life. These connections allow us to grow as individuals while fostering a sense of belonging and support, one that is not dictated by the obligation of DNA or romance.

But let's face the truth - maintaining friendships can be challenging. I personally understand this well, having encountered my own struggles in keeping friendships intact. The journey of friendships often involves a rollercoaster of experiences - the ebb and flow of connections, the bittersweet process of losing some friends while gaining others, and the inevitable evolution of interests that might either bring people closer or create distance.

Disagreements, a natural part of human interaction, can occasionally put a strain on even the strongest of friendships. These differences in perspectives can lead to moments of tension and unease. Similarly, the physical act of moving or geographical separation can present a formidable obstacle to maintaining the closeness that once existed. The saying "out of sight, out of mind" sometimes comes into play, and the effort required to bridge the gap can be substantial.

As time goes on, personal interests evolve. What once brought friends together may no longer hold the same appeal, creating a divergence in the paths individuals take. This can be a source of both growth and divergence, as new passions are pursued and conversations change course.

Despite these challenges, the essence of friendship lies in embracing change and adaptation. It's about learning to navigate the complexities, finding common ground amidst disagreements, and understanding that life's transitions are a natural part of the process. Friendships that weather these storms often emerge stronger and more resilient, demonstrating the beauty of connections that withstand the test of time and change.

“Just like tending to a garden, friendships need care to flourish. Regular watering in the form of conversations, shared experiences, and genuine interest is essential. The more you invest, the deeper the roots grow”. ~ Eliza Jane.

In essence, the intricacies of friendships mirror the complexities of life itself. Just as life is a journey with its highs and lows, friendships too experience their share of ups and downs. It's a reminder that while challenges may arise, the bonds of true friendship can endure if nurtured with patience, understanding, and a willingness to grow alongside one another.

“As you cultivate friendships, you're not just nurturing the connection – you're nurturing each other's growth. The shared journey of personal development enriches your bond and creates a legacy of support”. ~ Eliza Jane.

The art of cultivating friendships stands as an investment in your well-being and personal growth. These relationships are the bedrock of belonging. As you navigate this chapter, remember that the pursuit of meaningful connections is the essence of flourishing in your adult years.

So how does one cultivate and continue true friendships?

Step 1: Reflect, Reevaluate, and Release: Taking time to reflect on your current friendships is a crucial first step. Consider the dynamics of your existing relationships and evaluate whether they are healthy and positive. If you find toxic or unhealthy relationships that are consistently detrimental to your well-being, it might be necessary to release them. It's important to prioritise your own mental and emotional health.

Step 2: Reach Out: Friendships often require effort from both parties. Don't wait for others to take the initiative. Reconnect with old friends by sending a message, making a call, or planning a casual get-together. Similarly, you can also strike up conversations with acquaintances who you believe share common interests. Social media can be a great platform for this, but don't underestimate the power of a genuine face-to-face interaction.

Step 3: Seek Common Ground: Shared interests provide a strong foundation for friendships. Attend events, workshops, or join clubs that align with your passions. This offers an excellent opportunity to meet like-minded individuals who automatically share a common interest with you. When you bond over shared activities, it's easier to sustain conversations and develop a deeper connection.

Step 4: Nurture: Friendships, like any relationship, require care and effort to flourish. Initiate conversations, both light-hearted and meaningful. Regular communication is key to maintaining a connection. Reach out to your friends, inquire about their lives, listen actively, and provide support when needed. Celebrate their successes and offer a shoulder to lean on during challenging times. Make plans to spend time together, whether in person or virtually.

Step 5: Vulnerability: Being vulnerable is essential for building strong friendships. Sharing your experiences, thoughts, and fears creates a deeper sense of connection and trust. When you open up, you show that you're comfortable being your authentic self around your friend. This, in turn, encourages them to reciprocate and share their own vulnerabilities. As a result, the bond between you becomes more genuine and meaningful.

Remember maintaining and nurturing friendships is an ongoing journey—one that's natural to evolve over time. However, by consistently investing effort and displaying genuine care, you can foster relationships that endure the test of time. The most meaningful and lasting friendships are built upon mutual respect, shared experiences, and transparent communication.

As you navigate through your adult years, remember that authentic connections are not merely a choice but a necessity. In a world where digital screens often replace heartfelt embraces, these genuine connections become guiding lights, illuminating the path to true belonging. Therefore, it's crucial to dedicate yourself to these connections, nurturing them. In return, you'll witness your own personal growth mirrored in the eyes of your friends.

Let your "ageing" mark a period of wisdom, not solely in years but in the profound understanding that friendship is the pinnacle of human connection. Through shared laughter, whispered wisdom, and supportive gestures, you're etching an indelible mark on the hearts of those journeying alongside you.

PS. If you're seeking to engage with unique, like-minded individuals who share your enthusiasm for personal development and meaningful connections, the Evolutionary Woman Academy presents itself as the PERFECT PLACE. Within this community, you'll discover kindred spirits, of like minded ladies all levelling up in life. DM me on instagram to become part of the Evolutionary Woman community. https://www.instagram.com/_itselizajane/

Here's to the chapters that define us, the friendships that anchor us, and the insights that guide us.

Much love,

Eliza Jane.