Heartbreak First Aid

Once upon a time,

I believed that once you found a “good guy,” you know, someone who "didn't do you wrong," you were set. But I was mistaken; the sensation of drifting amidst overwhelming emotions of "what went wrong" proved me wrong. Going through my first breakup with a "good guy" was an experience I hadn't anticipated. As someone who had previously dealt with betrayal and abuse, leaving behind someone who was undeniably good but not right for me felt like entering a complex maze of pain. This was especially true because the decision was made mutually, and there was no fault to pinpoint.

Coming from a history of being cheated on or worse, I had never before faced the challenge of letting go of someone who was genuinely good but not good for me. This breakup was different, involving a wonderful guy who had done right, or as "right" as he could. It served as a wake-up call, compelling me to confront the truth that healing, and I mean really HEALING, from heartache is not only significant but utterly essential, even in situations where blame cannot be assigned.

We all know how easy it can be to put someone in the blame basket and decide that they're the asshole, therefore there is nothing wrong with us, so we can just move on our merry way...

"Right?"

"Wrong, so so wrong..."

The simple truth is that both parties were unhealed individuals, unconsciously poking at the wounds within each other. And I’ll be honest; it's been life-altering for me to come to realise that the issues encountered within my own relationships weren't solely the outcome of one person's actions. Instead, they emerged from the complex interplay of two individuals with their own emotional baggage. Our unhealed aspects seemed to unintentionally trigger unresolved sensitivities in one another, leading to a series of misunderstandings, conflicts, and ultimately, the decision to part ways.

So why do I share such depths of my own relationship?

Well, because I know that so many of us make the same mistake. We move on unhealed. Taking our wounds to the next person. So I want to share with you my lessons and learnings. In turn, hoping it will prevent you from making a pattern of serious mistakes.

The biggest lesson.

The biggest lesson of all has come from this one for me because it made me actually feel it, not just intellectually understand it. You know the “it hurts because they did (you fill in the blanks).” The easy path of assigning blame and labelling someone as the villain in the story might offer temporary relief to our wounded hearts, but it's a shallow band-aid that covers deeper wounds. This time, I couldn't rely on that familiar crutch. Instead, I had to face the uncomfortable truth that healing required me to examine myself, my own patterns, and my own vulnerabilities.

Letting go of the need to cast blame has allowed me to embark on a journey of self-discovery and self-improvement. I realised that in order to move forward, I had to be brave enough to acknowledge the parts of myself that contributed to the challenges in the relationship. It wasn't about self-condemnation, but about true healing and growth.

The Aftermath of a breakup.

Now, before the dust even settles after a breakup, the “life advice” starts coming in, and let's be honest, it's a mix of helpful hugs and eyebrow-raising suggestions. You've got the "find a rebound pronto" friend, advocating for an express train to a new toy. Then there's the "drown your sorrows" soldier, ready to lead you to the bar for some questionable life choices. And who can forget the "social media sleuth" who recommends investigating your ex's online presence like a modern-day Sherlock Holmes?

But wait, there's more! The revenge enthusiasts are handing out "get even" ideas, while the impulsiveness experts are proposing the "change everything" strategy – because why not dye your hair red and move to Peru? Yet, in this sea of suggestions, there's a life raft of wisdom: true healing doesn't happen in avoidance and suppression. It involves unpacking emotions, facing feelings, and freeing yourself. So, while the advice buffet is open, remember to take a serving of emotional processing, a side of personal growth, and a dessert of self-discovery. It might not be the express route, but it sure makes for a scenic journey toward a stronger you!

So let's explore learning how to really heal…

“With each passing moment, we write a story of resilience, where wounds become wisdom and healing becomes part of our history.”

Navigating Heartbreak.

We've all been there – the moment when we realise that the love we cherished has come to an end. It's a gut-wrenching feeling that tears at the fabric of our emotions. What do you do when you're faced with the emptiness of heartbreak? How can you mend a heart that once beat in tandem with another? The journey of healing after heartache is a complex one, marked by both pain and resilience. It's a transformative process that demands introspection and self-care. It's understanding that closure might not always come in the form of answers but in the acceptance of the situation's reality. It's learning to be kind to yourself in moments of weakness and finding peace in solitude. It's rediscovering your own identity, independent of the parts of a relationship that once defined you. As you navigate this labyrinth of emotions, remember that healing is not linear – there will be setbacks and relapses, but each step forward, no matter how small, is a triumph.

So let's delve into the journey of healing after heartache – the essential steps to take when you've left someone you love, with the aim of not just moving on but moving forward stronger than before.

The Path to Renewal.

Face it: Unmasking the Pain.

Yes, heartbreak hits like a ton of bricks. Your first instinct? Run far, far away from the pain. But guess what? The real game-changer in healing is looking that pain square in the eye. It's taking a breath, shutting out the noise, and diving headfirst into the feels.

And hey, it's not just admitting there's pain. It's about taking a magnifying glass to the tough truths that led to the breakup. Yep, that means seeing the cracks you tried to ignore. It's also about owning up to your part in the whole saga – the good, the bad, and the cringeworthy.

Imagine you're a detective piecing together the plot of your heartache. You're replaying those moments when things started going south. It's in these soul-searching moments that you start to understand why the pain is hitting so hard. Facing it head-on? It's like acknowledging that this breakup is part of your story.

But here's the cool part: facing the pain isn't letting it control you. Nope, it's you saying, "Hey, emotions, I'm in charge here." It's not about erasing memories or pretending not to feel. It's about knowing the pain doesn't pull your strings.

And guess what? Facing the pain, digging up truths, and owning your role? That's where your healing journey starts. It's like laying the foundation for a house – a house of emotional growth. Brace yourself, though – it's no smooth ride. As you navigate this emotional maze, you'll discover the magic of self-awareness. Facing pain with courage? That's the dance that gets your healing groove on.

Feel it: Riding the Emotion Rollercoaster.

Alright, let's talk emotions – those wild creatures that seem to take over when heartbreak shows up. The thing is, healing ain't about bottling them up. Nope, it's about throwing open the doors and letting them run wild. Imagine you're in an emotional amusement park – you're strapping in for the ride, no matter how intense it gets.

So, here's the deal: feeling it means giving yourself a free pass to experience the full spectrum of feels. Tear up? Let those rivers flow. Mad as a hornet? Yeah, you've got permission to feel that too. And let's not forget the confusion – that's part of the package deal. It's like diving into a pool of emotions and letting them wash over you.

But guess what? This isn't just an emotional puddle jump. It's a full-on leap. You might even find yourself needing to move – physically, I mean. Release that pent-up energy. Take a walk, hit the gym, box, I mean like punch the heck out of a bag. Trust me, it's like unlocking the valve on a pressure cooker.

But brace yourself, friend. This isn't a walk in the park. It's like a rollercoaster with all its twists and turns. Some days, it feels like you're sailing through the clouds. Other days? You're deep in the trenches. And that's okay. Healing ain't a straight road; it's a journey with bends, bumps, and sometimes detours. But remember, each twist and turn is a step forward, even if it doesn't feel like it at the time. So be patient with yourself, show yourself some love, and know that you're not alone on this rollercoaster ride of healing.

Free it: Let it go, babe.

Ah, the art of letting go. You see, when you give your emotions some room to stretch their legs, something pretty remarkable happens. They loosen their grip on you. It's like a slow but steady untying of knots that had your heart in a tight grip.

Imagine it as untangling a bunch of headphones – frustrating and messy as heck at first, but oh so satisfying when they finally straighten out. As you start to make space for your emotions, the pain that was once wound tightly around your heart begins to unwind. It doesn't happen overnight, though. Nope, this is the slow and steady kind of liberation.

Now, here's the kicker – healing is not a microwave fix. It's not a "ding!" and you're good to go. It's a daily effort, a commitment you make to yourself. It's waking up each day and saying, "Alright, emotions, let's dance." Picture it like this: each day, you square off with those feelings, like a champ boxer entering the ring. And with each encounter, those emotions take a step closer to finding their closure, knocking them out of the ring.

Sure, the battle scars might still be there, faint reminders of the journey you've been on. But guess what? They're not ugly marks of defeat; they're badges of your strength and resilience. They're proof that you faced the storm and made it through. They're the reminders of where you went wrong and never will again. Healing doesn't erase the pain; it transforms it into something powerful – a testament to your growth.

So, remember, my friend, as you set your sights on freeing yourself from that pain: it's a journey, not a race. Embrace the process, give yourself grace on the tough days, and celebrate every step toward liberation. The pain may have had a grip on you, but you're breaking free, one day at a time.

A New Dawn of Possibilities.

In the aftermath of heartbreak, you might feel like you're at the end of your rope. But remember, this is just the beginning of a transformational journey. By facing, feeling, and freeing your emotions, you're not just healing the wounds – you're laying the foundation for a stronger, more resilient you. This process isn't about forgetting; it's about embracing the pain and using it as a stepping stone toward personal growth.

“Like software updates for the soul, we must take the time to reboot, debug, and evolve, emerging stronger and wiser into the next chapter of our lives.”

Embrace Your Healing Journey.

If you find yourself in the midst of heartbreak, remember that healing is within your reach. Take the time to sit with your emotions, allow them to surface without judgment, and gradually release their hold on you. Your pain has the potential to be a catalyst for profound transformation. Embrace the discomfort, for it is through discomfort that we grow. As you embark on this journey of healing, remember that you're not alone. Reach out to friends, family, or professionals for support. The path to recovery might be challenging, but it leads to a brighter, more resilient version of yourself. Your heart may be broken, but it's also strong enough to mend.

Remember, the dawn follows the darkest hour. Your healing begins now. You will be stronger for this, my friend. You just have to do the work to get through it first. There is no magic solution, no fast track.

The healing is in the feeling, baby…

Much love,

Eliza Jane.

PS. If you're currently navigating a breakup and seeking a path towards healing and growth, you don't have to go through it alone. I'm launching the Evolutionary Women's Academy, with a specific focus on guiding women through their transformative phase of life. Drawing from my personal journey, I'm committed to helping you not only heal but also set your life on FIRE!

For the entire month of August, I'm offering an exclusive opportunity for 10 women to join my academy absolutely free. And there's more – I'll be sharing a set of six carefully curated rules that have been instrumental in shaping healthy habits during this transformative period. These rules, which I've applied to my own life, can be your compass for navigating this journey with purpose and intention.

Together, let's work hand in hand to ignite the lives of your dreams. Don't hesitate; take that first step towards a brighter future. Connect with me today, DM me on Instagram, and let's embark on this empowering journey together. https://www.instagram.com/_itselizajane/