Don't set yourself on fire to keep other's warm

Don't set yourself on fire to keep other's warm!

Have you ever found yourself saying "yes" to something, even though you really didn't want to, just to please someone else? Maybe it was agreeing to go to an event you weren't interested in, or trying a new activity you knew wasn't your cup of tea, only to end up finding yourself in situations you didn’t really want to be in. I used to be guilty of this all the time. I thought that if I said "no," people wouldn't like me or want to be around me. But the truth is, constantly saying "yes" just to please others is not sustainable, healthy, or true to yourself.

"People-pleasing is like being a chameleon, constantly changing colours to blend in with every situation. But in the end, you lose sight of your own true colours."

People-pleasing - we've all done it. This act of bending over backwards to accommodate the needs and desires of others, even at the expense of our own well-being. We do it because we want to be liked, accepted, and appreciated. But let me tell you something - constantly saying "yes" to others is a one-way ticket to burnout and resentment.

Have you ever heard the saying "don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm"? Well, when it comes to people-pleasing, that's exactly what we're doing. It's like you're trying to ignite the flame of love and admiration, lighting yourself up with validation, yet you're burning yourself down, creating resentment by going against your core beliefs and desires. The truth is, people-pleasing can become an addiction, and like any addiction, it can be hard to break free from.

"People pleasing - it's like the 'gateway drug' of the social world. It starts with just one 'yes' and before you know it, you're hooked, high on the validation and social acceptance."

We often base our self-worth on how much we can do for others and how much they like us. However, the reality is that we can never please everyone, and that's okay. It's time to let go of the need for external validation and start valuing ourselves for who we truly are.

Here are three reasons why people-pleasing can be problematic, and how breaking free from it can transform your life:

1. You're sacrificing your own needs for the sake of others.

When you're constantly trying to please everyone around you, it's easy to lose sight of your own needs and desires. You might find yourself saying "yes" to things you don't really want to do or putting your own goals on hold to help someone else achieve theirs. However, you are worthy, valuable, and deserve to prioritize your own well-being. When you start putting yourself first, your relationships become stronger, and you become happier and more fulfilled.

2. You're not being true to yourself.

When you're constantly trying to please others, it's easy to lose sight of your own truth. You might find yourself agreeing with someone, even if you don't really believe what they're saying. However, you are unique, and your opinions and preferences matter. Don't be afraid to speak up and share your truth, even if it goes against the norm. When you start living authentically, you attract people and opportunities that align with who you really are.

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3. You're setting unrealistic expectations for yourself.

When you're constantly trying to please everyone around you, it's easy to fall into the trap of thinking that you need to be perfect. You might start to believe that you should never make mistakes or that you should always be available to help others. However, perfection is an illusion, and it's okay to make mistakes. When you start embracing your imperfections and setting realistic expectations for yourself, you become more confident and resilient.

Learning to say "no" when we need to is like flexing a muscle we haven't used in a while. It may feel uncomfortable at first, but the more we do it, the easier it becomes. Prioritizing our own needs and desires is not selfish - it's necessary for our own well-being. When we start living our lives on our own terms, we attract people who appreciate us for who we truly are, rather than just what we can do for them.

So, what can you do to break free from the cycle of people-pleasing? Here are three tips:

1. Get clear on your own needs and desires.

Take some time to reflect on what's important to you, what brings you joy, and what you're willing to compromise on. This can help you make more intentional decisions and set healthier boundaries with others.

"Knowing yourself is the antidote to people pleasing. When you have a strong sense of who you are and what you stand for, it's easier to say 'no' to the things that don't align with your values and 'yes' to the things that light you up."

2. Learn to say "no"

It's okay to say "no" when you need to. Whether it's turning down an invitation, or declining a request for help, it's important to prioritise your own needs and be honest with yourself and others.

"Saying 'no' is the ultimate act of self-love. It means you value your time, energy, and boundaries enough to protect them."

3. Practice self-care

Self-care is key to breaking free from the cycle of people-pleasing. Make time for activities that nourish your body, mind, and spirit, whether it's taking a walk in nature, practicing yoga, or simply taking a nap. Remember: you are worthy, you are valuable, and you deserve to prioritise your own well-being.

"Self-care isn't selfish, it's essential. You can't pour from an empty cup, so fill yourself up first and watch your light shine brighter than ever."

Breaking free from people-pleasing is a journey, and it's not always easy. But when you start putting yourself first, living authentically, and embracing your imperfections, you'll find that your life transforms in amazing ways. You'll attract people and opportunities that align with who you really are, and you'll become happier, more fulfilled, and more resilient.

Are you ready to break free from people-pleasing and start living your best life? Here's your challenge: for the next week, practice saying "no" to at least one thing that you don't really want to do. Prioritise your own needs, and see how it feels. You might be surprised at the results!

Say no for you!

You cant truely give others what they need from you, until you have everything you need within yourself.

You always come first!

Much love

Eliza Jane