Calm the Chaos

Are You Addicted to the Drama?

It's Time to Calm the Chaos...

It's not an easy feat for many of us, especially if we have been accustomed to drama and uncertainty in our lives.

I vividly recall a time in my early 20s when I went on a date with someone who was stable, kind, and caring. This guy was open and honest about his intentions and desires for the future. He openly discussed wanting a family and to settle down, sharing long-term goals and what he was looking for in a partner, “some who shares similar values”.

Sounds perfect, right?

Well, it sounds like a breath of fresh air, but as the "relationship" progressed to the second date, I found myself feeling uneasy, uncomfortable, and to be honest, even bored.

Now, back then, I ended that relationship quick smart... Who wanted that for the rest of their lives, right?

Um, everyone... Wrong...

Snooze...

Wait, what the f**k, little Eliza Jane...

No seriously, it honestly freaked me the hell out...

How forward he was! You don’t say stuff like that on a first date…

I was terrified. I thought it was too much. I wasn't used to this kind of honesty and transparency. It actually made me think something was wrong with him. Maybe there was, or maybe he was actually a good dude.

In the midst of chaos and drama that I had grown so accustomed to in the roller-coaster of emotions that had been my life through my early 20s, stability and calmness felt foreign and almost threatening. It was as if my mind was wired to seek excitement and unpredictability, even though I knew deep down that it wasn't sustainable or fulfilling in the long run. Little did I realize that my discomfort stemmed from my own fear of facing my insecurities and self-worth, and confronting the idea of a stable and committed relationship made me feel unworthy.

As time passed, I started to reflect on my past choices and patterns, realizing that the chaos I had embraced was a way to avoid dealing with my own emotional baggage. It was easier to get swept away in the excitement of tumultuous relationships than to address the deeper issues within myself. This realisation made me question what I truly wanted in life and what kind of person I wanted to be, let alone what partner I wanted to be with.

And look, if I'm being honest, it's taken years. My patterns went on rinse, wash, repeat, for a long while.

It really wasn't until the penny finally dropped, after I stood back and actually seen myself seeking it out in my last relationship that I finally understood, I was addicted to the chaos. Stability and calmness made me uncomfortable, and I realised this had become a recurring pattern in my life. And it really got me wondering why this was happening.

As I delved deeper into the roots of it, I learned that our nervous system plays a significant role in this behaviour. The fight or flight response, which is a natural survival mechanism, releases stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol when we encounter threatening or stressful situations. These chemicals create a heightened state of arousal, making us feel more alive and alert.

Over time, my body and mind became accustomed to this heightened state, and I found comfort in it. I started seeking out chaotic situations subconsciously because they triggered the familiar rush of emotions. It was like a cycle; the more chaos I experienced, the more my nervous system reinforced this pattern.

Understanding this science behind the addiction to chaos and drama helped me gain insight into my behaviour. It also made me realise the importance of finding healthier ways to cope with stress and seeking stability in my life. Although it's not easy to break free from this pattern, being aware of the underlying mechanisms empowered me to make conscious choices and work towards a more balanced and peaceful existence.

It was a turning point for me - I had to make a choice. I could continue to sabotage my relationships to create drama, dismiss the person as 'the problem,' or fix me, the real "problem".

This personal revelation led me on a journey of self-discovery and growth, and I want to share my perspective with all the incredible ladies out there levelling up in their lives.

The Addiction to Chaos; Many of us have grown accustomed to chaos and drama in our lives, either due to past experiences or societal influences. Chaos might have felt exciting and alive, making us believe that a stable and calm life is dull and uneventful. However, this addiction to chaos can have profound implications on our mental and emotional well-being. It leads to constant stress, anxiety, and a sense of unease even during peaceful times. We often become trapped in a cycle of negative patterns, seeking drama unconsciously, and not realising that it hinders our growth and contentment.

Embracing Stability for a Fulfilling Life; Choosing stability over chaos may seem like a daunting task, but the benefits are immense. Stability provides us with a solid foundation to build upon, allowing us to focus on our personal growth and pursue our passions. When we are not constantly consumed by drama, we have more mental clarity and emotional stability to make sound decisions and nurture healthy relationships. Moreover, embracing stability empowers us to break free from destructive patterns and foster a sense of inner peace and contentment. It is an essential step towards living a fulfilled and purposeful life.

So what did this look like? Well, to me, it has meant I needed time to be alone.

“In the vastness of solitude, you embark on a journey where you shed the mask you put on for the world and encounter the truest essence of your being—a profound reunion with yourself.”

And as I continue on my journey of self-discovery and growth, I am still grappling with the idea of solitude and self-regulation. It remains both exciting and challenging, holding the key to unlocking a deeper understanding of myself and the world around me.

Being alone with my thoughts and emotions is still somewhat overwhelming and unfamiliar. The allure of outside distractions often seems more appealing than confronting the inner turmoil within me. But I've persisted, reminding myself that this is all part of the learning process.

During moments of solitude, I can't help but notice the recurring patterns in my thinking and emotional responses. Understanding how certain situations trigger specific reactions has been truly eye-opening. I've started questioning why I feel a certain way and why I tend to react in certain manners.

At times, a flood of emotions surfaces during these moments of reflection, making me feel overwhelmed. It's challenging not to judge myself for experiencing negative thoughts or unresolved feelings. However, I remind myself that this is all part of the journey - learning to observe and accept my emotions without judgment.

To aid in my quest for self-regulation, I've sought guidance from books, articles, and meditation apps. The idea of managing my thoughts and emotions feels like a superpower, but I know it will require consistent practice and patience.

Every day, I continue to practice various techniques like meditation, deep breathing exercises, and journaling to foster self-regulation. Sometimes, I stumble and struggle, but giving up is not an option. Learning something new takes time and effort, and I'm willing to invest both.

As I persevere, I notice small changes in the way I respond to challenges and stressors. Becoming more aware of my emotional triggers empowers me to pause before reacting impulsively. It's a liberating feeling to have a sense of control over my responses, even in difficult situations.

However, I must acknowledge that there are still days when I find myself falling back into old habits, losing sight of the progress I have made. Yet, during those moments, I remind myself that setbacks are a natural part of any learning process. Instead of being too harsh on myself, I practice self-compassion and offer the same gentle encouragement I would give to a dear friend.

As I wholeheartedly embrace my journey, a shift is occurring within my perspective. I no longer fear being alone with my thoughts because I see it as an opportunity for growth and profound self-discovery. Those moments of quiet reflection became a source of strength and resilience, empowering me to face life's challenges with greater clarity and understanding.

Interestingly, I've noticed a positive impact on my relationships with others. As I've learned to understand and regulate my emotions, I've found it easier to communicate my needs and set healthy boundaries. This newfound emotional awareness is enhancing the quality of my connections with the people around me, fostering more genuine and fulfilling relationships. Although I'm still in the early stages of this journey, I can already see the immense benefits of embracing stability and choosing to learn about myself. It's not always easy, and there are still days when I feel like I'm stumbling in the dark. But with each step I take, I grow more confident in my ability to live a purposeful and fulfilling life. And I'm excited to continue learning, growing, and discovering the many wonders that this path has in store for me.

Now, hear me out when I say solitude, I don't mean locking yourself away from the world and throwing away the key. I'm talking about time alone, time for introspection. Time where you ask yourself about the who, what, and whys and give yourself the answers. Away from anyone else's opinions, away from external influences. Time alone to find out who you are.

This can still be done in a relationship, don't get me wrong.

The single solitude has just become a part of my journey.

So how am I embracing Stability and Finding Peace?

Self-Reflection: Take time to look inward and identify the patterns and triggers that lead you towards chaos and drama. Recognise that these behaviours served a purpose in the past, but now it's time to break free from them.

Mindfulness Practice: Engage in mindfulness activities like meditation, yoga, or journaling to cultivate a sense of inner peace and awareness. These practices will help you stay grounded in the present moment and avoid getting caught up in unnecessary drama.

Set Boundaries: Learn to set clear boundaries in your relationships and personal life. Surround yourself with people who uplift and support you, and distance yourself from toxic individuals who thrive on drama.

Practice Gratitude: Cultivate a mindset of gratitude and focus on the positive aspects of your life. Celebrate the calm and stable moments, appreciating the beauty of simplicity.

Pursue New Interests: Channel your energy into exploring new hobbies and interests that bring you joy and fulfilment. Engaging in activities that resonate with you will reduce the need for drama to fill a void.

Embrace Change: Embracing stability doesn't mean stagnation. Be open to positive changes in your life and embrace growth with an adventurous spirit.

The journey of breaking free from the addiction to chaos and embracing stability is not an easy one, but it is undoubtedly transformative and rewarding. By recognising our patterns, confronting our fears, and cultivating self-awareness through mindfulness, we open ourselves to a life filled with genuine connections, inner peace, and personal growth.

Choosing stability over drama allows us to nurture healthier relationships, set clear boundaries, and surround ourselves with supportive individuals who share our values and aspirations. As we practice gratitude and focus on the positive aspects of life, we begin to appreciate the beauty of simplicity and find contentment in the moments of calm.

Embracing stability does not mean rejecting change or adventure; instead, it empowers us to navigate life's challenges with clarity and resilience. We can pursue new interests and passions that fulfil us, knowing that we are no longer seeking external chaos to fill emotional voids.

Through consistent effort and self-compassion, we learn to regulate our emotions, gaining greater control over our reactions and decisions. As we grow in emotional intelligence, we create a positive ripple effect in our relationships, fostering deeper connections with others based on understanding and empathy.

Each step on this journey brings us closer to a purposeful and fulfilling life. While there may still be setbacks and challenges along the way, we embrace them as opportunities for growth and learning. With every stumble, we rise stronger and wiser, propelled by the desire to live authentically and find peace within ourselves.

In the quiet embrace of one's own company, we find the strength to nurture our dreams, cultivate our passions, and become architects of our own destiny.

So, to all the incredible individuals embarking on the path of self-discovery and stability, know that you are not alone. Embrace the journey with an open heart and a curious mind. Trust in your capacity for growth and change. As you continue to embrace stability, remember that every moment of self-awareness and each step towards inner peace is a triumph worth celebrating. May this path lead you to a life that is rich with love, contentment, and purpose.

Ps if you'd like a little help along the way, I'm launching a program called the "Girl on Fire Games," aimed at empowering women to become confident, passionate, and fearless individuals who embrace their true selves and achieve their dreams. The program focuses on physical, mental, and spiritual empowerment through transformative courses, empowering routines, and holistic practices.

To celebrate its soft launch, we are offering a limited-time opportunity for ten lucky women to gain FREE access to the Evolutionary Woman Academy. To secure your spot, you need to express your commitment to giving your 100% effort in the program. The selected participants will have the chance to provide valuable feedback to help shape the academy for future members.

If you are interested in participating and becoming a part of the Girl on Fire games, you can reach out to yours truly by sending me a message on my Instagram page. Don't miss out on the chance to ignite your life and start your transformational journey towards becoming the empowered woman you were meant to be.

Much Love,

Eliza Jane xoxo